Your mind needs a breather too!

By: Crystal, Arabic Language Student, University of Jordan

Lockdowns. Quarantines. Positive Results. Masks. Social Distancing. Online Classes. Travel Restrictions.

In a span of one year, these words have drastically marked and changed the way we are living our lives. Some of us may have lost loved ones while some are still trying to survive and adapt with the challenges of this "new normal" reality.

I just came back from a long flight and as I write this, I'm finishing my 14-day home quarantine. It was a smooth trip yet the mental stress was so real. During the flight, i couldn't sleep easily with the fear that my facemask and face shield would come off while asleep. I couldn't enjoy the food because I might be at risk of being infected with Covid19 when I remove my mask.

How I miss the days when we can travel freely and those times when we can go to the university, meet friends and eat lunch together without masks and social distancing.

As much as we want to get our lives back, we also need to face the reality that this pandemic has taken its toll not just on our physical health but also on our mental health.

Attending online classes while enduring prolonged stay at home and the different family set-ups & situations can all build up and lead to mental fatigue.

Have you tried not opening your social media accounts for days because it already felt suffocating reading the news, the rants, complaints, etc.?

Shortness of breath is one of the main symptoms of Covid. Same thing can happen to our mind as we go through extended period of quarantines and lockdowns. Before, when we feel stressed, we can just go out and meet our friends. Now, we have to stay at home and some of us may not have a safe place to express or process thoughts and emotions.

If you have experienced an overwhelming feeling of sadness, anger, fear or frustration in the last 365 days, then this could be a sign that your mind might need some breather already.

I have attended many mental health seminars last year but the recent boot camp I joined gave me a different perspective when it comes to improving my mental health.

Instead of giving a list of ways to manage mental stress, the said boot camp enabled me to identify the role that I am playing in the “drama” and how I can opt out of it, thus giving my mind the space to breathe.

Let me share three insights that I learned on how to be mentally healthy.

1. I have played a role in the drama.

Acknowledgement is very important in mental health. I realized that most of my anxiety attacks come from the fact that I don't understand what I'm going through. Why am I feeling this way? Why are my thoughts flooding in my head?

However, the moment I am able to identify what is going on in my head, it somehow releases my mind from feeling overwhelmed.

If you like watching drama series, you will notice that there are three major roles being portrayed by the actors: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer.

In real life, we also go through unhealthy dramas where most of our mental stressors are coming from. They can drain our energy, make us annoyed or irritated and can eventually affect our relationships.

In 1968, Stephen Karpman proposed the Drama Triangle as a social model to map out the dysfunctional drama provoked by personal conflict.1

The drama arises as we take on one of these roles.

As you look back to situations that caused you anger, sadness, or fear, here are some of the statements that can help you recognize which of the three roles you are playing and might be causing your mental stress:2

Did you identify with some of the statements as familiar thought patterns? If yes, how did you feel about it? Was it helpful for you to somehow recognize what you are actually going through?

When I first learned about the Drama triangle and started identifying the role that I play in the drama, I felt relieved just by the fact that I was able to verbalize my thoughts. Then the overwhelming feeling of not understanding the situation was shifted to acceptance of my situation and myself.

Allowing your mind to process your feelings and thoughts is a healthy way to overcome mental stress. It may take time and effort, but by doing this, you are actually giving your mind the space to breathe.

2. I can opt out of the drama triangle.

Identification is just the start. Once you have recognized your prominent role in the drama triangle, the next step is to shift from drama to empowerment.

Yes, the good news is you can get out of the drama.

Here are some practical ways that I’ve learned from the boot camp.3

If you’ve been feeling like a victim lately, move from victim attitude to “I believe in myself and I can take responsibility for my own experience” like champions do. You can also change your orientation by consciously shifting your mindset from the problem to the outcome you desire by writing your goals and identifying roadblocks.

For those who play the role of persecutor, move from “blaming others” to a facilitator “being assertive” of the process. You can shift the blame by improving your communication and collaboration with others.

Even rescuers who are constantly looking for people to help can experience stress along the way because they may be over burdening themselves. So, if you find yourself playing this role and you know it’s not healthy for you anymore, move from being a rescuer “creating dependency” to being a warrior “enabling self-responsibility”.

You can develop a warrior mindset by believing that people can take care of their own battles as you do. They are the warrior of their own story.

The experience may vary from one person to another. Some may take the identification stage slowly while others can find it difficult to get out of the role they are playing in the drama triangle.

Again, it’s a process. Don't be hard on yourself. Take it one step at a time.

What matters is your willingness to take responsibility and opt out of the drama to keep your mind healthy.

3. I am not alone.

“Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you, doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone”.

– Lisa Olivera, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

There is power in accountability. It's very important to have people that you can trust, to whom you can feel safe in expressing yourself.

During this pandemic, I would have been drowned by my anxiety but I am thankful for people who stood by me and took time to listen. My friend who invited me to the mental health boot camp knows that I want to be a mental health advocate.

I want to help people to not let their mental issues stop them from fulfilling their purpose in life but it has to start with myself first. I am grateful for her reaching out to me and helping me regain mental stability.

So, if you don’t want this pandemic get the best out of you, don’t hesitate to seek help if you already need one.